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The traffic cone exerts almost god-like control over what happens on the road: when we see them we instantly become submissive to its will. The fool raging behind the wheel will fall back in line, the idiot with the foldout map will start paying attention to the road, the imbecile on the phone will at least go hands-free, and your average good driver will appreciate the calm the cone brings (even if everyone is going 5 mph).

No one questions the cone’s authority. No one. I’ve never seen anyone pull over and start arguing with a traffic cone, and if they have, I’ve never been around to see it before they got hauled away by the guys in the white coats.

I once came across an unattended traffic cone. It was in fair shape with no labels or markings on it that would indicate who owned it. The thought immediately crossed my mind that I should take it. Why not? A traffic cone is an excellent thing to have with you. Unlike those dinky little reflective triangles that come in your emergency break-down kit, people are going to see a traffic cone, but that’s not where the advantages end.

Let’s say you parallel park into a spot alongside the street. You did your best to accommodate for another vehicle to park behind you but as you stand there thinking about it you figure there ain’t no way another car is parking there unless it’s a Fiat 500 or a Smart Car. Then you ponder the highly possible scenario that some idiot will try to park there, anyway, and probably either box you in or crush your rear bumper.

What do you do???

Easy! You get ol’ Mr. Traffic Cone out and drop him right behind your rear bumper. Now you can leave your car and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with knowing you’ll be able to get out of your spot and no one is going to park too close to the rear of your car. When it’s time to go Mr. Traffic Cone goes with you and rides along in the trunk, ready to jump into action the next time you need him.

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